Retail worker demands colleague set her up with her brother, gets offended when told she's not his type: 'She thinks I'm shaming her'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 2, 2026 7:00 AM EST

The thing about having a crush is that it is not always going to be reciprocal.

Part of both the fun and the pain of the earliest stages of dating is that you cannot always be sure if somebody likes you or not. If you want to make a move, you have to be OK with rejection, which is difficult when you truly find somebody attractive. Once you have gotten to the point where you have built an entire fantasy life in your head with them, it is tough to be told that you have to back down again.

Nonetheless, this is a valuable skill that is important to develop if you want to play a part in the dating game. Sometimes, there are even ways to know your chances before you even take that risk. Any dedicated crush haver knows that gathering intel is an integral part of the process, and it can be a good way to let yourself down gently. The only problem is that you have to be able to accept what you find out, and not take it the wrong way. This can prove difficult when it involves a topic that so many people find sensitive.

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  • A woman working in a greenhouse smiles at a man holding a paper bag across a table full of plants
    via Vitaly Gariev

    A woman working in a greenhouse smiles at a man holding a paper bag across a table full of plants

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In this story, the brother of a retail worker regularly visited her store to use his family discount, leading her coworker to have a crush on him. This coworker thought it would be a good idea to ask her if she would take her on a date, claiming it was a personal favor. The sister did not think that this was such a good idea, as she believed that her colleague was not her brother's type, and that he could also be a troublesome person to date. 

    When she told her this, her coworker got offended and thought that she was insulting her personally. She wanted to know if she had taken things too far.

  • Am I wrong for shaming my coworker for her looks and personality?

    My brother comes to visit me at work sometimes and take advantage of the family discount.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • I can say objectively that my brother is a good- looking guy. One of my coworkers has developed a crush on him.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • She asked me if I could suggest to him that they go out on a date, phrasing it like I'm going to ask her for him as a favor.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • I told her no, and she asked why not. I said she isn't my brother's type.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • She asked me what I meant by that. I said he's pretty consistent with the women he dates, outdoorsy types that don't wear much makeup or fancy clothes.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • He also can't stand picky eaters (literally gives me sh constantly for not liking mushrooms) or people who use their phone while talking to someone.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • If he is talking to you and you look at your phone for any reason other than to check the time, he'll refuse to finish the conversation.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • She thinks I'm shaming her for her appearance and personality. I'm not. If anything I'm shaming him.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • She thinks she'll like him because she's only ever seen him as a customer, and he's always nice to service people.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • However as a boyfriend he's judgemental ash I. I don't think she would actually enjoy a date with him, and I know he wouldn't like her, so why should I set them up?
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • She can ask him out if she wants, but I refuse to get involved. I don't think I'm an ah le for that, but am I an ahle for bringing up that she isn't in shape and is a picky eater as reasons for why I don't think setting them up is a good idea?
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • She was very offended that I mentioned those things.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • A woman working in a greenhouse reaches across a table full of plants to give a male customer a cutting
    via Vitaly Gariev

    A woman working in a greenhouse reaches across a table full of plants to give a male customer a cutting

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Suspicious_Juice717 INFO Saying he dates "outdoorsy types" is not about her looks but her hobbies. Did you actually say that or did you tell her she'd never be able to keep up with him on hikes?
    via Suspicious_Juice717
  • ApricotRealistic1523 Original Poster's Reply The makeup and clothes part is about her looks. He doesn't date women who dress up. He finds it. unattractive.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • Ambroisie_Cy For a girl who refuses to get involved you sure are not shy to share opinions on why you think this relationship wouldn't work. YTA
    via Ambroisie_Cy
  • ApricotRealistic1523 Original Poster's Reply I tried not to. She asked me to explain why I wouldn't do it twice.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • spaceylaceygirl You didn't need to reject her on your brother's behalf, you could have said "No, he will not react well to me suggesting he ask you out. You'll have to ask him yourself".
    via spaceylaceygirl
  • ApricotRealistic1523 Original Poster's Reply Isn't that way worse? Then she has to deal with the embarrassment of rejection.
    via ApricotRealistic1523
  • Exotic-Rooster4427 I think the best phrase would have been 'i don't want to mix my professional and personal lives.'
    via Exotic-Rooster4427
  • trekgirl75 I told a friend, who thought my brother was cute, that he cheated on his first wife. Didn't even give her a chance to inquire about the possibility of a setup. Sometimes you have to stop the madness before it begins.
    via trekgirl75
  • GeomEun Tulip "Set us up." "No." "Why not?" "You're not his type." "What's his type?" Explains his type, which happens to not fit coworker. "How dare you insult me!" I fail to see how you were in the wrong, unless this person has a lot of insecurities and anxiety. And even in that case, she should have just taken your word for it when you said she wasn't his type. She was looking for a reason to be mad. Just because you aren't what someone is attracted to doesn't make you bad. NTA
    via GeomEunTulip
  • Wonderful_Horror7315 NTA She was inappropriate to ask you to set her up in the first place, especially the deceitful way she wanted you to do it. You said no, she asked why and you told her. Don't ask questions you aren't prepared to hear an answer to or ask for a "favor" if the answer could be no. You know your brother and know that he would either say no or they would go out and then you would have to hear about what an a he is. My brother is tall and good looking and women moon over him, but
    via Wonderful_Horror7315
  • No_Cockroach_2744 She questioned you, and you gave her your reasons. NTA
    via No_Cockroach_2744
  • SuckMachine98 YTA - you should have just said your not getting involved in your brothers dating life but she can ask him herself. You did NOT need to roast her.
    via SckMachine98

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